Some sentences just bother me so much that I feel compelled to try to improve them.
Like this one, from a job opening I recently read:
The Executive Director of Adult Recruitment and Corporate Outreach is responsible for the development and implementation of marketing and recruitment strategies that results in new student enrollments to the university directly from partnerships with area businesses.
Instead, how about:
The Executive Director of Adult Recruitment and Corporate Outreach develops and implements strategies to market the university and recruit students through partnerships with area businesses.
It could probably be even shorter, but length is only part of the equation. Part of my job is to help clients distinguish between crucial and expendable elements of their content so the message can come through loud and clear. We do that by identifying the audience first and then tailoring the message and medium to that audience.
